I can’t believe a brand-new White Lotus season has finally materialized after all my hoping and waiting and Googling of various Parker Posey compilation videos (if you’ve never seen her as a crazy Barney’s employee on Will and Grace, trust me, you need to). But the blessed event has finally come, and this season, Mike White is taking us on an all-expenses-paid jaunt through Thailand. The long-awaited return of The White Lotus brings with it the opportunity to itemize the episode’s best lines, Succession-style, so naturally, I’m taking it; below, find a power ranking of the very best one-liners from last night’s episode, titled “Same Spirits, New Forms.”
“Rick, the lady in the airport, thought you were my dad, okay? You should get a gentlemen’s facial” — Chelsea (Aimee Lou Wood) to her boyfriend Rick (Walton Goggins)
Guys, it’s 2025! Men’s skincare is no longer taboo, and Chelsea knows it!
“This is so on-brand for you, to be a victim of your own decisions” — Chelsea, again
Is it me, or is Wood already the runaway star of this season?
“You’ll notice a lot of bald white guys in Thailand The locals call them LBHs. Losers Back Home.” — Chloe (Charlotte Le Bon)
Chelsea finds a newfound sister in having-boring-older-boyfriends, and Chloe’s just so happens to be Tanya McQuoid’s shitty ex!
“We flew over the North Pole!” — Parker Posey as drawling North Carolina housewife Victoria
Yes, the accent is a little thick for reality’s sake, but we love you, Parker!
“You sure know how to treat a burnt-out bitch” — Belinda
Oh, Natasha Rothwell, how I missed you and your succinctness.
“You look like you just got pushed out of a birth canal” — Laurie (Carrie Coon), handily winning the girls’-trip compliment arms race
“Dad, I know I gave you shit, but this place is clutch” — Patrick Schwarzenegger playing a Southern bro named Saxon
“Please stop talking” — a cranky Rick to Chelsea, who’s obsessively praising a Thai hotel employee’s beauty
In general, I think men should be nice to their much-younger girlfriends if they insist upon having them, but…mood.
